The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings tremendous significance and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay males check my site desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

However, North adds, "I think this special info is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on find out your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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